Yesterday I found myself standing in front of 100+ people who attended the Keighley Day organised by the Yorkshire Photographic Union and I had to ask myself a question “why on earth would all these people come out on a cold Saturday morning to sit and listen to me witter on for a whole day?” I was confused, overwhelmed and almost paralysed with self doubt.
I may have looked like I was full of confidence, but inside I was that young girl who, after been sent to a secondary modern school (that’s another story for later), was told by the teachers to aim low because that way I wouldn’t get disappointed when I didn’t amount to anything.
I sit at home quietly on my own and produce “pretty pictures”, I am totally self taught, I didn’t go to art school, I am not technically minded, I am not very articulate, I fight to use the right words and I am dyslexic ….. not a good base to start with when standing in front of all of those people.
So standing there gazing at all of those eager faces I thought “what am I going to tell you that you don’t already know – what I do isn’t special or unique, its pretty run of the mill stuff and you don’t need much technical expertise to produce pictures like mine” – should I run away now before I make a fool of myself?
But what I lack in education and technical expertise I make up with passion and a love of what I do and I hope that everyone who attended the presentation yesterday understood where I was coming from. I love to try and inspire others who want to do something a little more creative and I also try and get over the point that those people who choose to do creative pictures are also good photographers too – we just take a slightly different path. I get a bit fed up with people saying that people who do creative images can’t take a decent photo that’s why they “mess about with them”
On the drive home I was still consumed with doubts and I lost count of how many times I thanked people for coming to the presentation adding that I hope that I hadn’t bored them to death and thanks for not slipping away at lunch time.
I only do a few talks a year (my choice) and I honestly enjoy doing them…but I still fight with that young girl inside me who is whispering in my ear that I shouldn’t be there and that I should know my place.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who attended, you were so kind to me and it was and is much appreciated.
Joan, you sound so much like myself. I am always doubting. I too, am self taught and am inspired mostly by the creative voices in my head. You inspire others and have inspired me as well. Keep doing what your doing.
Tha is so kind Mindy I am glad we both hear creative voices (and not the other kind) 🙂