Walking at a pace that could have easily been passed by an otgenarian snail they proceeded to mooch around aimlessly. Lifeless eyes gazing ever forward seeking out the twists and turns of this vast emporium of lost souls hoping to find the meaning of life….. or the exit.

Along with the Zombies I also came across families hell bent on dragging their offspring round the shop. These poor mites had been promised a FAHFS children’s meal but ONLY after they had engaging in what appeared to be a howling/screaming competition. Everyones a winner… apparently !

I traded exasperatied looks with other people who only wanted to “nip in” for something but found themselves sucked down into this dreary pit of human flotsam.

I only wanted some picture frames – why do I need to engage in a half marathon to find them? I don’t want odd shaped lampshades, a washstand with 2 drawers, a cowhide rug or a loft bed combo….. I just want some picture frames!  PLEASE.

That said, I did glean some information from an employee who pointed me to a “secret door” that bypasses EVERYTHING and gets you almost to the check out tills without having to do the zombie shuffle……  As I went through the door I turned to wave him my thanks, but he had disappeared. Maybe whisked away by the all seeing eye -perhaps he shouldn’t have passed that info onto me and his spirit will be forever heard wailing across the acres of soft furnishings (or it could just be another child wanting to have a nibble on a fish finger or two)